*cue fade into Sex In The City parody*
|My alter ego|
While chatting Señor gave me his run down on Melbourne. He said it's interesting (NOT REALLY, BECAUSE THIS IS HAPPENS IN EVERY BIG CITY) in that you have the most povo people living next to the most posh. The houses are mishmashes of historic looking row-homes and modern skyscrapers. Overall, my perception is Melbourne is not unlike NYC or LA, yet is not as filthy, congested, or cramped....only less going on.
|Carlton Gardens aka "Central Park"|
|Everyday is runway|
|"Smile for the camera beautiful" - Literally Nobody|
|...yes, you ca tell by the obnoxious colors those are my gals- Sharlet, Samanthuh and Mirandah|
|Here we see Samanthuh next to the only thing wetter than her in this park|
The library was neato. I found myself amongst all of histories greatest works, and so I wondered....is smelling all of these great pieces of literature as impacting as reading them? (Also what makes the “book” smell?)
didn’t actually touch many of those leather bound beauties, I was amped up on pre-workout and had no patience to sit still long enough to soak up a story. Instead I took in the serenity that comes from watching hundreds of people sitting quietly...moving only to find more books. You'd think the monsters from A Quiet Place were the librarians.
It’s spring time in Australia, the temps were cold enough that shorts were just not an option, and that’s literally all I packed (Living in Hawaii means I do not own pants). What’s a girl to do? Onward to ....THE MALL. Well, a mall. Melbourne Central (again, creative names): so-so shopping center with an old bullet making tower in it, which is very tits. The shopping was limited, but this location has blocks of stores and stores and stores with ramen and more stores.
|Lookin like a big ol brick dick in a glass con-dome.|
I was cool with all these stores and ramen. I popped into the closest lululemon to show off my aloha branded “honolululemon”, and scope out any AU specific designs...*sigh* none. It's Bradshoes job to leave a bit of aspirational fashion sense behind and move on.
On my way to that shrine, an absolutely massive banner for the National Gallery of Victoria was promoting an exhibition for Terracotta Warriors! As a reporter that I am not, I have done like 6 different research projects on those warriors and this was my first chance to see them in person - I went for it right from the shrine! The size of the exhibit left me underwhelmed, even though it was complex, but thanks to Snapchat I got some super cute pics:
|An outfit as stylish as these buildings.|
The next day was much the same. Took a walk in St Kilda. for botanical gardens and to the beach to freeze myself in the water, because bitches love beaches. Then had a super cute lunch with myself at Pontoon, which is a tasty waterfront kind of place.
|The water was fuckin coooooooold!|
The next day was just as awesome. I checked out the royal botanical gardens, and then met Señor Grande for a mysterious show on the waterfront of the Crowne Casino. He would not tell me anything about why we were there or outside, only warning me that if I did not like it that I should lie and tell him I liked it 🤣 no need to lie, the show was great. The whole strip of the waterfront was lined with these huge rectangular metal pillars that began shooting massive fireballs into the air. Like out of nowhere just tons of heat and fire.
|all of the yes|
|Emerald City Realness|
|The world needs more doughnut memorials|
|*thinks how to drink all this*|
In my spur of the moment friendless towards strangers I managed to unload a rosè on a very funny lesbian and her Polish work wife who were seated next to us- this was excellent because they then ended up coming with us to Berlin bar. Berlin bar has a very neat vibe. Bathtub full of pillows, bunk beds, lots of nods to German history and an absolutely massive portrait of Joseph Stalin.
The kind Polish woman (on the right) gave us a try of some post dinner shots that were a tradition for her culture, these were meant to cleanse the pallet and calm your stomach. Instead they tasted like eating an actual cigarette and chasing it with vinegar. Oh well! We had an awesome time hanging out with these girls.
The night was finally over, ah, Sept 16th. I’m in bed. All is good! I flew out the following afternoon. pretty sure at some point in this trip the concept of an actual "whore island" came up... if anyone has passing interest in an island composed of model train sets and trains of sex, hit us up! 🤣
|Trains on trains|
..... Ah, paradise
Reviews: IMBD: .5 /10 Rotten Tomatoe: .08%