...skkkrrrrrrt. Actually I had another good reason to visit - chill around with a man who I would like to refer to as Mr Big, but due to copyright issues, will settle on Señor Grande....this is Sex IN The City after all, not to be confused with Sex And The City.
*cue fade out to the past*
Now, about 10 days ago I was chillin out with my “gal pals” (myself) at the bar and saw this beautiful stranger walk in, just hanging out by his lonesome....he was tall, bearded, and overwhelmingly handsome. I pursued and next thing you know we’re singing karaoke, he’s swinging my buddy around like a doll, and we are ending the night destroying late night diner food.
|Carry Bradshoe - My alter ego|
Melbourne is interesting in that you have the most povo people living next to the most posh. The houses are mishmashes of historic looking row-homes and ultra-modern skyscrapers. Overall, Melbourne is not unlike NYC, but is not as dirty, congested, or smelly.
|Carlton Gardens aka "Central Park"|
|Everyday is runway|
|"Smile for the camera beautiful" - Literally Nobody|
|...yes, you ca tell by the obnoxious colors those are my gals- Sharlet, Samanthuh and Mirandah back there|
|Here we see Samanthuh next to the only thing wetter than her in this park|
The library was neato. I found myself amongst all of histories greatest works, and so I wondered....is smelling all of these great pieces of literature as impactful as reading them? (Also what makes the “book” smell?)
I didn’t actually touch many of those leather bound beauties, I was amped up on pre-workout and had no patience to sit still long enough to soak up a story. Instead I took in the serenity that comes from watching hundreds of people sitting quietly...moving only to find more books. You'd think the monsters from A Quiet Place were the librarians.
It’s spring time in Australia, the temps were cold enough that shorts were just not an option, and that’s literally all I packed. What’s a girl to do? Onward to ....THE MALL. Well, a mall. Melbourne Central - A mall with an old bullet making tower in it, which is very tits. The shopping was endless, it must be over 2/3 blocks of stores and stores and stores with ramen and more stores.
|Lookin like a big ol brick dick in a glass con-dome.|
I was cool with all these stores and ramen. I popped into the closest lululemon and showed off my aloha branded “honolululemon” - feeling as though I left a bit of aspirational fashion sense behind, I could move on.
On my way to that shrine, I noticed an absolutely massive banner for the National Gallery of Victoria having an exhibition for Terracotta Warriors! As a reporter that I am not, I have done like 6 different research projects on those warriors and this was my first chance to see them in person - I went for it right from the shrine! I was actually underwhelmed, but thanks to Snapchat I got some super cute pics:
|An outfit as stylish as these buildings.|
The next day was much the same. Took a walk in St Kilda. for botanical gardens and to the beach to freeze myself in the water, because bitches love beaches. Then had a super cute lunch with myself at - Pontoon - which is right on the waterfront.
|The water was fuckin coooooooold!|
|all of the yes|
|Emerald City Realness|
|The world needs more doughnut memorials|
|Thinkin about how to drink all this.|
|Lesbian on the left, Polish on the right.|
In between the sets of our shoot I could hear the polish woman talking about the portrait of Stalin as though it was her idol.
Like genuinely, should this love of a brutal dictator be offensive? I don’t know 🤷🏼♂️
The night was finally over. I’m in bed. All is good! I flew out the following afternoon. I’m pretty sure at some point in this trip Grande and I drunkenly decided to start an actual whore island... if anyone has passing interest in an island composed of model train sets and trains of models having sex, hit us up! 🤣
rendering of said island.....Paradise