ლ(。-﹏-。 ლ)

Soreeee, this trip is more of a home finding excursion...need..well Australia in general. Keeping that in mind, I avoided many of the typical touristy things here so I could save them for my everyday putzing around....also the city was inundated with smoke from the brush fires that have plagued Australia, which kept me indoors for many days..I took A LOT of baths lol:

One big sad hotbox. 

Anywhommm. I'm not one to pass up something that speaks to me; IF you hadn't figured it out by now I've got an inner Japanese girl soul and I love spooky shit. I'm strolling around Hyde Park near my hotel when I saw this..

Fuck! I'm torn.. that's touristy...but limited time only...

here I go....


                                         I LOVE THIS CATNIP MONSTER
Family time. 

Boyfriend!? (ღ˘⌣˘ღ) . . He said no. (ಥ﹏ಥ) 



Artist Shigeru Mizukisay depicts his version of one of Hiroshige's 53 Stations of Tokaido Road. This picture gave me way more anxiety than I'd like to admit, yet serves a poignant reminder on the importance of cardio.

The ethos of Mizukisay's supernatural Japanese artwork would later become popularized by an American meme known affectionately as "Chubby Bubbles Girl"

*Jeff Goldblum Voice*: Must go faster. 
Click. Zoom. Trip out. Enjoy. ( ⊙‿⊙)

I left the Art Gallery of New South Wales with a new perspective on Japanese artwork - the mediums are as incredible as the processes they use to create the works. You are seeing a VERY small glimpse into what this exhibition has to offer, but to sum it up: Children are always the victims and scaring the absolute shit out of them seems to be the goal. Seriously, if its not a demon disguised as princess luring children to their death, or a witch chopping off her body parts for the hilarity of it; its not Japanese horror art. Entirely worth wandering into this if this exhibit hits your city, do yourself the pleasure and immerse yourself!

The Art Gallery itself is neat-o  ┐(゚~゚)┌  (find my shoes)

Since I'm now just a few hundred meters from the Royal Botanic Gardens, I decide to pop in for a little walk around. I can see myself spending weekends here recovering from debauchery.

Hyde Park is CUTEEEE
Another city. Another Royal Garden

These parks are pretty and then some! Great way to end the day and down the way from the Royal Garden is the Opera house. Prolly heard of it. This thing:
squint real hard and you'll see it.

The next day is hella smokey, forcing me to spend the majority of my time inside - the news claims smoke is bad for your lungs *sets down bong*. Got really well acquainted with the amenities at my hotel Fraser Suites. Pegged as a 5 star hotel, the staff was nice, food is tasty, and the gym was pretty excellent. The suites are fantastic, even so, the coolest part was the swimming pool. The pool had two massive windows in the bottom of it that looked over an alley below the hotel thats packed full of shops and people; those windows were a great place to be cheeky (check IG for more on that)
Was not easy to get a pic, so I nabbed this from the hotels website. 
Many of the passing days were much the same, too smokey to go outside. While this was a bummer, it wasn't horrible since I would be returning, and gave me some gym time. When the smoke finally cleared, I had some pent up energy and one outlet in mind - Imperial Hotel.

Maybe you have heard of this, maybe you have not. To put it bluntly:

Imperial Hotel's Front Bar is the starting & ending scene for Priscilla Queen of the Desert! She is not a looker of a building, none the less it has a longstanding history in the LGBT community as a safe heaven. To this day they rightly embrace the connection to the film. Its still a Drag n' Diner bar with significance to the cities LGBT history that goes well beyond the movie. To say I was excited as fuck to be here would be an understatement. 


The people were awesome, the queens were amazing, and learning about the actual history of the place really made you feel appreciative of the struggles that the LGBT community has overcome. 
(I'm not crying, you're crying).

 Imperial is not the only sample I had of the gay bar scene in Sydney. No trip would be complete without scoping out the only bit of traditional "LA gay" ...Poof Doof!

Are you my boyfriend? ლ(゚д゚ლ)

 Gay bars with pizzazz aren't anything new if you're familiar with California, New York, or really any other typical gay metropolitan mecca -  here - people have the Poof Doof. This club has a location in Melbourne too, and are quite simply great clubs to have a good ass time in. I've made note before of how off (less groomed?) the gay scenes in Melbourne and Auckland are compared to what I am used to in SoCal, and this was a return to expectations. Tightshirtsonmuscles, plucked brows, snatched wigs, martinis, and enough molly trippin bitches to film a feel-good zombie film: Night Out Of The Living Dead. Seriously, the hands come out and you're the meat (ʘᗩʘ’)

I was amused until I wasn't. 
The actual best part of their bar is that when you buy your VIP ticket or whatever, the entire first hour of drinking is FREE!!!! BACK THE DAFUQ UP....FREE. GET YO LIFE. FREE!!!! SHIT WE GETTING RATCHETASFUCK FREEEEEEEEEEEE!
Coming from America, these little exact pours they have do not work for me, even drinking on a generous budget. Needless to say, when you can get around that by drinking free, throw caution to the wind. They open at 10, drinks are free till 11, and they are actually good drinks too! 
Be young, Be dope, Be Proud, Like an American ♪♪

Poof was not a horrible time. For the sake of protection from unwanted massages of your asshole I recommend going to these things with a friend vs solo, other than that I'm looking forward to going back. It felt like old SoCal home away from home.

The last days of my excursion were a reminder of just how much I love this region of the world. While in New Zealand I was able to stand with protesters in demand of climate change, on my 2nd trip to Melbourne I ran into another huge demonstration for climate change in Carlton Gardens, and here on my final two days I watched an absolute unit of people marching for climate change reform. In America, you don't see unified action like this going on with my generation the way I have seen on each of my trips here. Whether they are accomplishing the intended goal or not, its impressive and inspiring to see and be apart of a movement that has so much passion behind it. 
This march went on and on and on. <3

Oh, by the way. Christmas here is kind of odd. Parts of the city are into it, others aren't.



I've ended up with Gold Coast. Yo girl is goin back to university for another masters degree. it is a tourist spot like where I am coming from in Hawaii.... we shall see about that. #BoganWonderlandDreams  #Bond,JamesBond.


Sex In The City 2: I Beg To See You Dance Just One More Time

<3 Tones and I

With overwhelmingly stellar reviews from the previous film...(cries).. a trip back to shoot the sequel was a must! Last we left our sweet Ms. Bradshoe she was in the arms of the love of her life;  Señor Grande. Everything was the dream it should be! Alas, any good sequel must add a level of the potential for a follow up film. Flash forward a month after I've released my first short story. (lol, really), it’s time to relax and take a trip back to Melbourne. My chance to explore the city alone and give Grande a break had come (bish I’m waiting on the ring and the big ass closet). After all, distance makes the heart grow fon...
Holy shit I’m in jail. 

Of course prison is the first stop...its October and this bitch wants to get spooky (thanks Kim Petras). What better place to get creepy than Old Melbourne Gaol. The prison turned museum is wild as fuq! You can wander around each cell, which has a story to tell; complete with a selfie of the prisoner that died in it! Neat-O!... alright, it’s more of a “death mask” or bust of the prisoners face after they died.  
              Totes should have smiled
Prolly should have not smiled..died with Mitch McConnell lips

Seeing the molds of their dead faces inspired me greatly. I even managed to find a beautiful Swedish person to assist in this process for when my time comes. For now, it was my duty to give these sad deadass faces a makeover....drab to fab Bradshoe style. 
“Yentl meets Sonny”
I’ve got to admit, these people were pioneers of being nuts. 
Sad sad tears of a clown

My top two psychopath makeovers are Martha the Poisoner and Frederick Deemly - both unassuming actually bad bitches. Martha grew up in a horribly abusive household and showed signs of instability, yet she was beautiful and kind!!! Props for those men who looked nothing more than skin-deep...literally killed her 3 kids, husband, and brother-in-law. #Snapped. She done already done had herses. Martha got a colorful clown treatment, cause she was clowin these dudes think'n shes not mental. 

Meanwhile, Frederick killed both his wives and children then cemented them in under the hearthstone in each of the houses he lived in. I’d imagine he had a plaque that unironically read: “Home is where the heart is”.... seriously though, who doesn’t love a handyman? Fred was later caught before his next wedding while pretending to be Baron Swanston; great alter ego mate. For Fred I chose a regal silver goatee that says "I'm tough but approachable and mature", it matched super well to some stylish contractor friendly sunglasses. Keeps the blood out of your eyes hunty. 

 Me n' Fed Oh. M. Gee. Twinsss. This 👏🏻 is👏🏻 our 👏🏻 look 👏🏻

One can’t help but wonder, in another life would Martha and Fredrick have been soul mates? 
Her: widowed, childless, sexy cook. Favorite song: Sweet But A Psycho. 
Him: Divorced, homebody, expert mason. Favorite Book: A Tell Tale Heart. #SwipedRight

I’m digressing, romance is in the air. ....OH! and I picked up a fabulous new diet: Prison body vibes

Still snooping around when BAM, my eyes meet with what is easily the best part of this little adventure...the opportunity to wear the armor of Ned Kelly (Australia’s Robinhood convict who is high key a sexy-hipster-murderer-legend). Of course the armor display was set up for children.  Ummmmmm

Won’t pass up a chance to immerse myself in a most iconic movie moment ....
...Such is life. 

My fill for creepy had been satisfied. 
I jammed to the Turn off the Light album all around the city for the next 5 days blurting out incomprehensible German words and serving spooky hand. Petras-fied 
"My other hand ain't strong enough"

The hand came off more like Scary Movie without the graphics but Idgaf! 

Onward and out to explore more Melbourne: 
This was a good opportunity to see how livable the city is for me. Hell. I’m independent! I’m strong! Fuck it! I got this!!!! Independent bitch since birth, stone cold bitch to the end. 
Wait. Wrong movie.
....Basically ended up at exactly all the same spots as my last trip, living like some kind of sad widow reliving memories of the past 😂  [watch the IG story for this trip, the realness can’t be understated]. Ima weak bish.....Everywhere I looked I was reminded of those sweet fond beautiful memories of Señor Grande:
 How we fucked like rabbits 

 That sweet shaft to ball ratio

 The orgies he loved

......We should discuss the design influences in this city. Just look at this aerial view of Albert Park....

 The lake is uncut!

....Back to my taste in men...

 Calling is always a good idea.
Him: "Hello?...Hello?.. Who is this?" *click*

 During my self induced dramatic breakdown adventure, I wandered over to the harbor. 

*shuffles playlist*
Glad I left my home in Georgia for this.

You don't hear people hype about the harbor in Melbourne like they do Sydney, yet this was pleasant to spent time around. Cool seafood spots, interesting art installations (lol did you see those balls tho), and plenty of boat activities to get into...maybe they are trying a tad hard to make this place interesting, but I'm here for it...

Still, I needed a sign. Something to use as an emotional scapegoat for my actions that both relates to water and avoids personally taking on responsibility for how I feel...*Plays Adele* 
Bingo! Can blame this all on the riverlee! (sp)  it's in my heart and veins tooo....

The next day I took my faultless attitude and set off for some retail therapy, checking out the shops in South Melbourne Market after popping into my fave coffeehouse Dead Man Espresso. All these knick-nacks, thingamabobbers
, and people with legs...I was Ariel; losing my legless mind filling the void with cute pairs of socks.

Got  appropriate socks for 
the mermaid sock paradox

Nearby I stumbled onto the first Lotus dealership I've basically ever seen... 

Really, I have been all the fuck over and have never seen an existing dealership network for this unicorn car company. Peeking inside, you can see they are host to other notoriously high power to low weight ratio fun to drive vehicles. Not mad about it.

A great day of shopping had done the trick. I am renewed, refreshed, and rejuvenated. "You hear that? Rejuvenated. He was juvenated before, lost it....and got juvinated agian. Rejuvenated!" (if you know this movie quote you're likely my future husband) 

My new found sense of self came with some excellent tips for putzing around Melbourne... if you want a truly incredible Airbnb, book one in Australia 108 - one of the tallest buildings in Australia. The lux building was totally fit for my alter ego the 2nd bedroom served its purpose well as my dream walk-in closet.  Great amenities, awesome gym, and the location was prime for walking to the markets, casino and shopping. look at the valet....all...of...the..lights (all of the lights) *Kanye Voice* 

Hands down the best restaurant I tried on this trip was Eazy Peazy in Richmond. Thank you Stephen, George, and Mark (my "Sharlet, Samanthuh and Mirandah")...Go for the tasting menu, you won't be disappointed. Must try this awesome sake too when you wander in there.

Forget what you heard. The fox says nothing.  It just stares menacingly 

Why a man great till, they gotta tolerate my quest for further introspective into the developmental stages of Jungs Anima and Animus through immersion into this fictitious saga  OR WHATEVER LIZZO SAYS