London

LONDON

Hello, its me. 

lads  & chavs

   "I'm in the UKyyyy but just for one dayyyyy" - Nicki

Okay, I have more than a day on this one, its a New Years trip and I'm jazzed to be taking in the London eye popping off fireworks into the new year.  It's also an opportunity for me to flex my gentleman skills..

Lesson 1: Whats the Tea? 

The Goring

My hotel is the Tea. Literally, this is designated as a royal tea spot where the royal family comes to enjoy their...Tea.   Now, let me set the scene and say, I have never felt the need to be so quite while eating before. At breakfast we were so uncouth having inside voice level conversations as the regulars nodded on with each other in silent agreement, with judgmental eyes on us loud deplorables. Just look at this key!

Lesson 2: Dress the part

A gentleman must appear as a gentleman. There are many restrictions to entry of fine places if you do not look the part (like our buddy not getting into dinner wearing trackies). From fight to frolicking, a tie and dress shirt is a must. 

    

Lesson 3: Fine Dining & Breathing

I have to say, of the to big recommendations for places to eat ZUMA and STK. ZUMA was the only worth while one. It got its start here as a high end Japanese restaurant ...which is where I had the BEST Hendricks martini in my life: 

THIS

The bar tender there  was sooooooo sexy….until he spoke...huge homo! STK on the other hand, sucked. absolutely sucked. There are way too many fantastic steakhouses (Mastros) to be spending time in this nightmare....it had a nice atmosphere though:

 Lesson 4: Keep Trim

Every morning started with a workout! AND this is great, because my stomach could never handle it. DO YOU KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO VOMIT IN THE LOBBY OF A 5 STAR HOTEL FOR ROYALS??? DO YOU? No? Okay.  Well, its fun. I was an absolute mess...the price you pay for keeping fit.

Lesson 5: Top!

Physically anyway.  pop on the Eye.  

                   

Conclusion: 

Somewhere between my disruptive eating conversations and vomiting, I realized the gentleman life is not for ,me.  It's new years eve, I want to turn up like a ratchet out of town American throwing away his ambitions for one more sip of champagne! 

                     

Drink, head down to the eye, watch it, and then go back to drinking. 

.                                 

The next day, it's off to the pub

      

Drank all day, crossed this bridge and ended up in some weird little park/theme ride situation. The winter wonderland wass fucking cool. 

We walked home singing “dancing queen” (6 gays) (2 straight guys) and had more drinks @ our hotel. The next day was our last, we all met for breakfast and that was just ok, turns out the UK has TERRIBLE food -_- except, bacon, of course.