Monaco

Monaco


Monaco is a fabulous place, as expected.  If Monaco had a personality, it would be bored in them Dior’s, and probably is.  Honestly, rich as a culture is something you’ll see in Dubai, but breathe in Monaco.   Architecture is beautiful, bordering on sterile. No graffiti, no unique styles, nothing out of place; simply well done. It gets a little monotonous, while remaining breathtaking. You won’t find a cracked building, a terrible car, or a bad restaurant in this city. Monaco is perfect, in the way your trophy wife is perfect. She exists silently beautiful as a testament to your success. 


I enjoyed every minute here. The yachts in the harbor are incredible, massive, and representative of the 1% of the 1%. I’ve seen a lot of wealth in this world, nothing compares to the concentration of it here in Monaco.  They were in the midst of setting up for formula one, which was awesome because I was able to walk around the track I would play in video games. It was cool as hell. You’ll got great views of the city when in Monte Carlo, and everywhere you looked was a celebration of Grace Kelly.  If there is one point I truly loved about the history of the city, it is how well the embraced the changes brought forth by her relationship with the king. Honestly, they presented her in a humble manner and you can tell they were both held in high regard....not in a Kim Jong un way, but in a way that says they truly cared for their people. In fact, natives are given special pricing on homes to ensure they can maintain residency in their homes, while outsiders are subject to massive income requirements - I like this approach, it’s decidedly human in an otherwise sterile feeling city. 

While here I recommend checking out the palace, it’s truly wonderful and charming as far as palaces go.  Stick around for noon and you’ll witness the changing of the guard, which is neat in itself. The viewpoint you’ll get after the changing of the guard is spectacular. Both sides of Monte Carlo and Monaco can be seen from this height. Incredible views!  There are tons of cute alleys to wander and you can do so in complete safety. There are over 1,000 cameras watching your every move to ensure you are safe, seriously, it’s safe if not Orwellian. 



                





I picked a pizza restaurant called Le Shangrila for my afternoon lunch spot. For the first time in my life I felt obligated to eat an entire pizza with a fork and knife, in fear of appearing uncouth. Honestly, you can’t tell if you’re in a high end restaurant or not until you get the bill, everyone is so very proper. None the less, the food was awesome.  I hopped around the city until a random downpour had me running back to my ship for some shelter.  I spent the rest of my evening watching large yachts park themselves in the boughiest parking lot in the world - wondering just how much my blowjob skills would need to improve to land me a spot on one of those bitches ....marginally 😏🤣.
Aye, yo, let yo hur down. 



                                            

love a good random park



Woof, daddy. 
Setting up for Formula1





It’s expensive. It’s beautiful. It’s bored in them Dior’s.....even when she find out how deep them pockets is.  






Lowkey, this place sucks hard because there are no gay bars. not one.  

Isla de Mallorca

Isla De Mallorca







 Coming into port, its a beautiful island setting. 

Can't miss the church, it is the first thing you see off the boat. 




I was jazzed as fuck to be going to Mallorca! It’s an absolute paradise in the Balearic Sea, home to gays a plenty. Oh la la! It had all your typical fixtures - old castle. Check.  Beautiful cathedral. Check. Museums. Check. Beaches. Check. Awesome shopping. Check. Heavy German Tourism. Unexpected check.  


I walked 5 miles around the city and found my way to a bar scene, where I was met by fantastic tapas and stories of the Berlin Wall. Seriously.  A German man imparted wisdom on me, from him to America.  “We did walls once, we just tore them down”.  🙏🏻 so, take that trump administration LOL the Germans know better, as we should too. He then  looked down at my shorts and inquired as to how large my dick was and laughed while creepily stroking my back....ya win some ya lose some. He bought me a drink and we chatted about the struggles of being fabulous. I don't recall his name after the 2nd drink, but man this guy was funny.  You can tell he was aware that he had kind of a shifty vibe, because he would give menacing looks to a dutch man sitting a few seats down from us. All of this was hugely entertaining, but I had some city to see.   

                               



I spent the afternoon shooting the shit with the Germans and a Dutch man, on a Spanish island. It was an absolute delight.  The photos are next level. If you’re in the area checking out pills in Ibiza, do yourself a favor and hop over to Mallorca. It’s incredible. No matter where I stumbled around, I was able to find something to take a picture of.  
I lost track of the day in the contemporary  art museum and neglected to find a hat for my Spanish friend back home 🙈 luckily, I now instead can fill his head with wisdom vs cover it with a hat.  So. There’s that. 



This one represents how to throw a party in Mykonos.

"Toast and Chinese takeout boxes"



It took me a while to figure this one out, but its obvious.

Actual concept art for the costumes in Kanyes hit song "I love it"


Turns out this was just a waterway next to the museum. 

There was a ton of shopping to do here, lots of great tapas to eat, and even more wine to drink than one man can handle.  



                                 ......is it artsy to do landscape in portrait? Or an upload fail.





Best place to get lost for a while, auf wiedersehen Mallorca!

More Adventures Coming Very Soon


I'm still on travel, have yet to throw in my stories from Isla Mallorca, Barcelona, Monaco, Cannes, Southern France, Rome...Portofino, Italy..... and more ...I have so many great adventures to share!!! Will keep updating in the next few weeks :) stay tuned as they unfold. Catch the live stories on IG! 



Spain, Cartagena

Cartagena 

A port city of Spain, Cartagena was the shortest stop for the boat but the most fun for me. I leapt at the chance to do a wine and tapas tour, which began at 8:00 am and ended at noon.... LOL. My reputation  as the boozy bish was not lost, and by the time we hit the old red light district, I was ready to rekindle it’s history. 





Hmmmm, thinks. 1,2,3 do the Nicki Minaj blink


 On this tour I learned in wartime there was such a role as “commander of the prostitutes”, which is intriguing and sad that this is no longer an achievable title in today’s society...or is it? Remains to be seen but will put  out applications when necessary 🤣






On the left: The Commander
On the right: Some stupid ho












The city itself is charming, and broke some of the norms for city building at the time. It had a heavy Roman influence, yet for some reason they decided to break the mold and create their city as the Greeks would have. I mention this because it led historians on a wild goose chase to find the cities coliseum, which took so long to discover (by accident) that the coliseum has only been uncovered as of the 1980s.  





I’d definitely return to spend more time in this charming town, it too gets a 10/10. Loved stumbling around tapas bars for more wine and....culture?....wine. LOL 






                 


I found my match




I must take time to discuss the cats I came across here....duh. First, they were being tended to by what looked like a character the Simpsons used to depict a lonely disheveled woman with a serious smoking addiction...she was literally in a bathrobe with curlers in her half-done hair, smoking a cigarette yelling at the following cats:

I have mange, fuck off please

kiss mah ass, wait, I got it. 

bye
The exchange was interesting. She would pour buckets of dirty water in a drain in the street, yell at the cats, and then make kissy noises to them. I'm not 100 on what an acid trip is like, but this seemed representative enough. 

I genuinely enjoyed everything about this city. Despite the cats being the nastiest I have come across, the wine and cocktails were awesome. It was the perfect blend of culture, architecture, booze, and puss. I do wish I could remember any of the bars I went to, sadly, only knowing I was in the old red light district survived my inebriated state.