Puerto Vallarta

Puerta Vallarta 

Well, I tried.  My last couple visits to Mexico were shit shows with enough sex and alcohol to parody 6 seasons of sex and the city in a week. PV totally had the potential to be an exercise in “hoe is life”, yet at no point in this trip did I feel compelled to channel the slut-demon. 

In fact, PV was the first time I  took a parody vacation. All the gays go here, rave about it like its another world, and put on a show like its not just dumpy fucking Mexico! come on! This IS NOT a diverse and fun gay haven...Have you never heard of Sitges???  Now, THAT is a gay destination.  This is all the cons of being in Mexico with none of the pros. 

 The following descriptions from friends set the tone: 

  • “Puerto Vallarta is just a bunch of white people hanging out in Mexico”
  • “PV is the poor mans Honolulu”
  • “I don't know why you wouldn't go to Cancun instead” 
  • “Just my style.  No risk while drinking wine on the beach of life.”
  • “Don’t go there, it’s dirty. A place where people go to have orgies.”
  • "it's cool if you're a prostitute"
  • “They shoot porn there”. 

PV: A nice haze covers the city every morning - Breath-holding

Oahu: Clear skies and sunshine every morning - Breath-holding

It was all truuuuuuue. This is a low rent version of Honolulu plagued by white people pandering for wine and beach sex - an environment that usually relaxes me immensely.  I honestly laid on the hotel roof and drank martinis scoping out dudes in the pool for an entire week and still hated this... “But if you do that, you’re missing the culture”. Ha, Hahaha, HA, HHAHAHAHAHHAHA, hhaah, hhaaaaa, haaa.. This place is too whitewashed to be cultural..

Look at these pasty bastards. 

still hazy, yum. 

 I done had herses when it comes to Mexico. Baja Cali was awesome for wine, Cancun was excellent for beaches and exploring, and living in San Diego means Tiajuana is a step away. I didn't see anything here I couldn't get in those places, and actually, it's kinda hard to see much anyway with this haze.  

the water is filthy too ;)

Perhaps I'm salty for over doing it on warm vacations these last few months and underestimated how boring it would be. It felt like the only thing that changed was whether or not I could drink water from the tap. 

I guess you come here to do gay stuff though, so lets take a look at that...."gay stuff" 

legit fact. I need to switch it up:

YEP, gay stuff is drinking. 

Sure there are clubs and events, etc. but it's a Zzz fest. This city isn't specifically for gays in that you can come here and always run into gaggles of them. The hoards of homos come pouring in from Jan - March, changing the city dynamic from old people to gays. 

There were some  other non homo things to see; whales and fireworks for example. I dunno, I'm reaching. 

Here’s the laziest vacation I’ve ever taken:


PV just isn’t my cup of horchata 

 Now I have the experience to say, don’t go there...there are better vacations to be had....literally anywhere else. Love Mexico,do not have love for PV