Puerto Vallarta

Puerta Vallarta 

Well, I tried.  My last couple visits to Mexico were shit shows with enough sex and alcohol to parody 6 seasons of sex and the city. PV totally had the potential to be an exercise in “hoe is life”, yet at no point in this trip did I feel compelled to channel the slut-demon that I am. 

PV was the first time I sarcastically took a vacation...I literally came here joking about how terrible it would be. The following descriptions from friends set the tone: 

  • “Puerto Vallarta is just a bunch of white people hanging out in Mexico”
  • “PV is the poor mans Honolulu” 
  • “Just my style.  No risk while drinking wine on the beach of life.”
  • “Don’t go there, it’s dirty. A place where people go to have orgies.”
  • “They shoot porn there”. 

PV: A nice haze covers the city everyday - Breath-holding

Honolulu: Blue skies, clean air, beautiful warm water - Breathtaking 

Ahaha it was truuuuuuue. This is a low rent version of Honolulu that is plagued with white people pandering for wine and beach sex - an environment that relaxes me immensely.  I honestly laid on the hotel roof and drank martinis scoping out dudes in the pool for an entire week. I done had herses when it comes to Mexico, leaving me no inclination to explore the city and such. “You’re missing the culture” Ha. This place is too whitewashed to be cultural. 

Much like my issues with Belize, I over did it on warm vacations these last few months. I underestimated how tiring it would be going from warm place to place. It felt like all that changed was whether or not I could drink the water from the tap. I’m ready to go back to the Arctic circle for another round of the ice hotel - for reals. 

Here’s some pics of the laziest vacation I’ve ever taken:


PV just isn’t my cup of horchata 

 Now I have the experience to say, don’t go there...there are better vacations to be had....literally anywhere else. Love Mexico,do not have love for PV