Agadir
- Waka Waka, eh eh.
An itch to go to Africa and see what Toto was going on about...and true to form, I got in on a 12:30 flight and everything!
Sooooo, as a basic gay with an affinity for seeing Muslim
countries and understanding very little French, no Berber, or Arabic; I was not
exactly the ideal tourist to spend time in Morocco. The culture in the city of
Agadir is a mix of influences from all over Europe albeit mostly French. After near total destruction from an earthquake in 1960, the city needed help from other countries to rebuild and what you see today is roughly 60 years old. A very young city compared to the outlying areas, yet it managed to retain a sense of its self in the rebuild. Its like if the movie Enough had been about a city and earthquake was Mitch. You go
girl.
 |
| I saw this in NYC, but this one didn't have a douche(me) posing with it....wait... |
.... I could make a killing as a dentist in this city, easily. “You
don’t have to floss all your teeth, just the ones you want to keep” was on my
mind all week. Happy people everywhere were super welcoming and very eager to
entertain you. Me as Karen Smith: “So, if you’re from Africa
why are you white?”**
Impromptu drum beating with arbitrary rhythms plagued the promenade that runs
7KM down Agadirs coastline. Crusty jugglers, acrobats, and shady bracelet
pandering characters abound, it was easy to people watch no matter where you
looked. It gave me a level of uncertainty on whether I’d be offered a quest for
a magic lamp from Jaffar in disguise or end up with some sweet knitted
bracelets that would be the envy of any 4th grade girl. Either way, I was
loving this vibe.
 |
| Where is this going? |
 |
| ....crusty |
Hotel was the Royal
Decameron - an interesting 4 star hotel in the center of Agadirs tourist area with a
great staff and high security. 95% of the guests only spoke French and the
staff couldn’t quite fully grasp English. I’d recommend staying in a 4 star hotel
in strange places like this, as approaching 5 stars tends to be overly
westernized and loses that foreign feel. The hotel itself encompasses the “that’s good enough” mentality you
will see throughout the country. See a patch on the wall? No need to color
match that shit, all whites are the same shade! Cracks in the corners? Psh more
like better venting for your room. “We have a fitness center” roughly
equated to “there are tons of mismatched weights in various KG for you to play
around with and perhaps you can piece together the equipment for 10/15 min of
proper use”. I LOVED it. *inhales* I digress here, but my absolute favorite
part of all this half assed fuckery is how it translated to the road system.
You’re never sure if the car coming into your lane is going to stop or if you
need to stop or if either of you care to stop, cause today’s a good day to die
motherfucker! The road lines are more or less suggestions like in Thailand, and
the robots (seriously, it’s what they call traffic lights) don’t really seem to
make sense to the locals. Every solution to potential congestion or
safety was to place a roundabout. “We have 9 roads of different speeds that
converge here...ROUNDABOUT....pedestrians need to cross safely where these 4
lanes of traffic all go left.....ROUNDABOUT....we have a nice and simple two
lane street but it’s too simple....ROUNDABOUT.....how can we reduce the
fatalities and crashes with all these roundabouts?....DOUBLE LANE ROUNDABOUT”. I can only ponder who the city planner was approving these or his muse. Needless to say, getting
about was an exciting experience and I enjoyed the rush of not knowing if I’d reach my
destination. *breathes out* (end rant).
The first venture I took out of the hotel was a tour to
explore the Kasbah. You can’t miss this thing, it’s up on a mountain
overlooking the city and is scribed in Arabic that reads “God. King, Country”
all lit up with spot lights for you to not miss. Seriously, this is the size 72
font of garden writing.
Anywhom, I checked it out. At the top you can
explore the ruins of the Kasbah, built in 1756 and housed several hundred
people before collapsing on top of them in the earthquake. V sad. I saw
some camels walking about and of course with it being Wednesday, had to have a
proper hump day experience. Not only am I a secret camel whisperer, I can also
parallel park those bitches like a smart car in London. Sitting atop the camel
overlooking the kingdom, I was feelin some kind of bad bitch way. Next on the
list for the day was Agadirs big market- Souk al Agadir ****. Comprised of
3,000 shops under one roof, it’s quite the sight. Every knock off piece of
anything you can imagine is in stock here. Folex, Louis Verton, Balenceyaga,
Fendee, Brightlong, you name it, they have a poorly executed version. You could
spend hours walking about what is essentially the same 10 shops over and over
again - EaCh OnE jUsT aS uNiQuE aS sNoWfLaKe. Psh. Girl bye. You couldnt be bothered with the whole “this just as good” sales technique. It was an entire days worth of walking
about, which I ended by seeing Agadirs stunning mosque.
 |
| Everything the light touches |
 |
| This is in the running for favorite door...Yep. too much HGTV |
 |
Probably the most uncomfortable photo the store owner could have made us take after likening them to "my wives". Notice how we all look like we had never met or even spoke before this actual second? WHAT DO WE DO WITH OUR HANDS! HA. those jokesters.
|
I ran into those Latvian girls by complete chance many times later in the week...a slap in the face to the solace I found by reassuring myself - "at least I will never see them again". *NEXT. DAY.* 8 hour hike in the Atlas Mountains...driver shows up... van door opens....only other two people in the car...WHOLE AWKWARD DAY...Phew, its over, that can't possibly happen again, I'm done with tours. My last night, walking up the promenade from dinner, and there they are. two feet away. [Awkward eye contact, forced smile, nod of the head] Me dropping a dad-joke: "We must be the only tourists in this city!" Them: *stares* Me: *Keeps walking*
*flashback weeks ago* My friends and family must have sent me 10 different news stories covering the slaying of two young travelers who were
hiking the Atlas Mountains just kilometers from the city I was in only a few
weeks prior to my arrival.. I was determined to get a hike in those
mountains with all of the passion of a lesbian working to obtain her first Subaru.....Off to Paradise Valley in
the Atlas Mountains I go!! Paradise valley is known for being a quite,
serene, and absolutely beautiful escape for celebrities across the world. Didn’t
disappoint!! Cute waterfalls, random encampments, and a relatively busy
hiking path meant you’d have plenty of people to enjoy the hike with - mostly
euro hipsters. These pics will do more justice than my words can:
 |
| them colors doe |
After the hike I stumbled into a town and shop where I
learned how to make Aragon oil. Bought tons for my now very fabulous hair, and
then headed to the hotel for some rest. I spent the rest of the week long trip
exploring the city. Hilariously sitting down at a restaurants with the expectation
of lunch, only to find out it was a fancy ice cream shop or only served waffles
- seriously -knowing any bit of French would help avoid awkward situations like
this. Ordering a martini and receiving Hendricks in a cup was part of my
learning experience; by the end of this trip I could successfully order a glass
of white wine or say excuse me- thanks to help from Jordan in the
states.
My biggest surprise on this whole excursion - the sheer
amount of cats that run around the city. First and foremost, I FUCKING LOVE
CATS - 50% of my vacation photos from the week are of all the cats running
around the hotel and the city. They’d sit with you at meals, snatch up
your lap when you’re sunbathing, and could even be found walking about paradise
valley following groups of tourists around. The inner cat woman in me was screaming the entire time, and I named them all.
The French tourists were probably more entertained by my cat infatuation than
the cats themselves. “Look at this simple American twat with his cat
pictaires”..
 |
| Emily |
 |
| Rosaline |
 |
| Terry Mae |
 |
| Samantha |
 |
| Jeremy |
 |
| Samantha again... |
 |
| Fuck off, please. Love, Rosaline and Jeremy |
Definitely would recommend Agadir to anyone looking to have
a unique African experience! It was tits, yo.
 |
| obligatory boat at sunset |
I'm off to Mexico and the Mediterranean for my next adventure- I cannot
wait to see how it compares! Africa left me with an incredible feeling, its a shame there was no gay community to explore.
An itch to go to Africa and see what Toto was going on about...and true to form, I got in on a 12:30 flight and everything!
Hotel was the Royal
Decameron - an interesting 4 star hotel in the center of Agadirs tourist area with a
great staff and high security. 95% of the guests only spoke French and the
staff couldn’t quite fully grasp English. I’d recommend staying in a 4 star hotel
in strange places like this, as approaching 5 stars tends to be overly
westernized and loses that foreign feel. The hotel itself encompasses the “that’s good enough” mentality you
will see throughout the country. See a patch on the wall? No need to color
match that shit, all whites are the same shade! Cracks in the corners? Psh more
like better venting for your room. “We have a fitness center” roughly
equated to “there are tons of mismatched weights in various KG for you to play
around with and perhaps you can piece together the equipment for 10/15 min of
proper use”. I LOVED it. *inhales* I digress here, but my absolute favorite
part of all this half assed fuckery is how it translated to the road system.
You’re never sure if the car coming into your lane is going to stop or if you
need to stop or if either of you care to stop, cause today’s a good day to die
motherfucker! The road lines are more or less suggestions like in Thailand, and
the robots (seriously, it’s what they call traffic lights) don’t really seem to
make sense to the locals. Every solution to potential congestion or
safety was to place a roundabout. “We have 9 roads of different speeds that
converge here...ROUNDABOUT....pedestrians need to cross safely where these 4
lanes of traffic all go left.....ROUNDABOUT....we have a nice and simple two
lane street but it’s too simple....ROUNDABOUT.....how can we reduce the
fatalities and crashes with all these roundabouts?....DOUBLE LANE ROUNDABOUT”. I can only ponder who the city planner was approving these or his muse. Needless to say, getting
about was an exciting experience and I enjoyed the rush of not knowing if I’d reach my
destination. *breathes out* (end rant).
