Amsterdam

AMSTERDAM

"You're gone and I gotta stay HIGH ALL THE TIMEEEEE TO KEEP YOU OFF MY MIND< OHHHOHHHH OHHHHHOOOHO OHHHHHHH>

...opportunity to live out the lyrics cannot be missed.

Goals:

High all the time
Miss Nobody

&

..wooden shoes

Everyone was talking about how good flower is in Amsterdam, and you know what.,

they're right

lol, kidding, the cannabis here is fantastic.

And let me introduce you to my first domestic blunder....

HOW
TO
USE
FORIEGN MACHINES

PART 1:

A washer dryer....with hieroglyphics

The saving grace for this nightmare of a machine is the Airbnb attached to it.

Airbnb is is a fantastic idea if you want to immerse in the "culture"....

which means: take the worlds tiniest stairs up the worlds most uneven house to the third story to find this:

..and of course the bed is on a loft up some tiny ass ladder. If you're into this bad larry, it's called the Petite Prince on Prinsengracht and Reestraat. The host legit had an apple pie ready on the table.

Back to my self tove loathing.

A simple pop into a shop and the goal may begin. One would question why you would need to consume the quality of brownies I had for this part of the trip right up to the moment I was on the ground laughing about being so blitzed in some cold ass street in Amsterdam. The buildings got big, the walls got small, surroundings blanketed in shadows and shades of orange/yellow light, structures leaning fore and aft, and that's all before the drugs sink in...... When I would emerge from this mental excursion, I would not be the same...nor miss anybody. #SucessInTheBush

You've got to love this cities rich history, taking in all the grandeur as you putz along.

ME: red light district - "gotta see it"...ugh out of the way but I'm doing it.

Also Me:*passes up Ann Frank house near by*

I came here a simple cannabis smoking California transplant...

How it started

....

.......

How it's goin

Same bitch, wooden shoes.

until next time my toxic Copenhagen methods.

Paris

PARIS

Paris, you have the most uppity persona of any city this side of Monaco... the only way to vibe with this is to be unimpressed by all your best...and that starts with how you arrive.

Bishhhh. My Boyfriend is the best <3

OKay, back to the city..

The buildings, cars, shopping centers, and everything you see is done to the highest extent possible...and then pissed on by some drunk bastard. Palaces lined the streets where unsavory activities stand in stark contrast to the grandeur of their backdrop. People were rude, yet not to me...because they kept asking me where in the Netherlands I was from...meanwhile, my American looking buddies were snubbed..

Who wants a blowie here?

Or here?

No? oh well. I'm off to see Basic Bitch Paris: Tower Eifel, the Lourve, and Notre Dame.

This bitch was bigger than I expected!

Not a bad view from up here, can't even smell the city

Neato...What about the Lourve???

Where TF does that pyramid go?

Get to the POINT Ventura!

Oh, another pyramid.

Now, I am no art aficionado, yet I adored being able to put my own spin on my fave works:

I couldn't understand why they care about this lame unbothered bitch, the ceiling was way cooler.

ANDDDD thennn

Notre-Dame:

Keep a hunch when you're in here or you'll piss off Quasimodo

yep.

*eye roll* oh, sooooo pretty

FUCKKKKK YOUR GAY HATING CHURCH!

The whole experience was top notch, and the Park Hyatt Vendome we stayed at was slick!!

the BEST feature of any hotel. A sink for the shower!!!

They had the 2^nd highest rated restaurant in all of Pairs at the time, which meant wearing my wooden shoes in there went over well with the locals of this Michelin Star rated situation.....this Dutch boy carried on Holland swag all night.

These drinks are beaaaaaautifulllll. However, I require some seedy gay nonsense to feel fulfilled....

I danced on lighted platforms above the crowd of an underground bar like a fool! This bar closed at 7am and I lasted for most of it, right up until I was licking people and not standing well LOL

The next day sucked! I needed the hair of the dog to get over thi...