...opportunity to live out the lyrics cannot be missed.


 High all the time
Miss Nobody


..wooden shoes

Everyone was talking about how good flower is in Amsterdam, and you know what.,

they're right

lol, kidding, the cannabis here is fantastic.

And let me introduce you to my first domestic blunder....


A washer dryer....with hieroglyphics 

The saving grace for this nightmare of a machine is the Airbnb attached to it.  

Airbnb is  is a fantastic idea if you want to immerse in the "culture"....

which means: take the worlds tiniest stairs up the worlds most uneven house to the third story to find this:


..and of course the bed is on a loft up some tiny ass ladder. If you're into this bad larry, it's called the Petite Prince on Prinsengracht and Reestraat. The host legit had an apple pie ready on the table. 


Back to my self tove loathing. 


A simple pop into a shop and the goal may begin. One would question why you would need to consume the quality of  brownies I had for this part of the trip right up to the moment I was on the ground laughing about being so blitzed in some cold ass street in Amsterdam. The buildings got big, the walls got small, surroundings blanketed in shadows and shades of orange/yellow light, structures leaning fore and aft, and that's all before the drugs sink in...... When I would emerge from this mental excursion, I would not be the same...nor miss anybody. #SucessInTheBush


You've got to love this cities rich history, taking in all the grandeur as you putz along.

ME:  red light district - "gotta see it"...ugh out of the way but I'm doing it.
Also Me:*passes up Ann Frank house near by*


I came here a simple cannabis smoking California transplant...

How it started



How it's goin

Same bitch, wooden shoes.

until next time my toxic Copenhagen methods. 



Paris, you have the most uppity persona of any city this side of Monaco... the only way to vibe with this is to be unimpressed by all your best...and that starts with how you arrive.

Bishhhh. My Boyfriend is the best <3

OKay, back to the city..

The buildings, cars, shopping centers, and everything you see is done to the highest extent possible...and then pissed on by some drunk bastard. Palaces lined the streets where unsavory activities stand in stark contrast to the grandeur of their backdrop. People were rude, yet not to me...because they kept asking me where in the Netherlands I was from...meanwhile, my American looking buddies were snubbed..

Who wants a blowie here? 

                                                                                  Or here? 

No? oh well. I'm off to see Basic Bitch Paris: Tower Eifel, the Lourve, and Notre Dame.

This bitch was bigger than I expected!


                                         Not  a bad view from up here, can't even smell the city 

 Neato...What about the Lourve???

Where TF does that pyramid go? 

Get to the POINT Ventura!

                                                          Oh, another pyramid.

Now, I am no art aficionado, yet I adored being able to put my own spin on my fave works:


I couldn't understand why they care about this lame unbothered bitch, the ceiling was way cooler. 

ANDDDD thennn


Keep a hunch when you're in here or you'll piss off Quasimodo 


*eye roll* oh, sooooo pretty





The whole experience was top notch, and the Park Hyatt Vendome we stayed at was slick!! 
the BEST feature of any hotel. A sink for the shower!!!

They had the 2nd highest rated restaurant in all of Pairs at the time, which meant wearing my wooden shoes in there went over well with the locals of this Michelin Star rated situation.....this Dutch boy carried on Holland swag all night. 

These drinks are beaaaaaautifulllll. However, I require some seedy gay nonsense to feel fulfilled....

I danced on lighted platforms above the crowd of an underground bar like a fool!  This bar closed at 7am and I lasted for most of it, right up until I was licking people and not standing well LOL

The next day sucked! I needed the hair of the dog to get over thi...
thats a sign...

Take it to the head...

I liked this place, even if it is kind of le twat.


Stockholm Sin-drome 
" is a psychological response. It occurs when hostages or abuse victims bond with their captors or abuser" 

Well fuck me up you beautiful Swedish bitch! If Stockholm held me captive, I'd fall in love with it too. 

         Sadly, I was only here for a day on my way to the Arctic, there was not enough time for the abuse it would take to capture my heart. 

                                                        .......Seriously, use and abuse me. I want it!!

I was already falling in love, oh how I want to be like youuuuuuuuuu.
Luckily, I had a plan....

Step 1: Get a Vovlo

I saw this sexy beast at a car show in California just a month earlier and thought
 "that's the only car to rent. period" 

The blending in was on point.

Step 2: Love the city

Lock me up in here. 

Jesus Christopher T, it is fucking cold here....abusively cold.

And he, shall be my man. 

Everything is overly lit. Literally. Light everything. fuck it guys know it's night, right? 

Step 3: Learn the Language 

I did want to see his MasterKock

Honestly, its a hard language to piece together. Even this Sprite gave me anxiety. 
What's this label about servings? Caffeine? Sugar? Acid? No clue

yeah, exactly. 

Step 4: Swedish delights

Swedish food is not something I had before, so we went with what the hotel recommended


Best fucking sorbet ever.

For whatever reason, inside this bar the only other people I met were fucking Californians