"I Cairns take myself dancing"♪𝅘𝅥

Started to cry but then remembered IIIIIIII....

Cairns is a tropical paradise/embodiment of the "Reasons to fear Australia" that is fed to people overseas. The crocs, the sharks, big spiders, venomous snakes....OH...and something I hadn't even had a chance to fully develop a fear of until days before my trip....Cassowary!? (don't tell me this isn't a feathery velociraptor) 

BTW. Did you glance at that pic and carry on? 

                                                                          go back and look at its fucking foot! 

Jurassic Park OR Cairns? 

Okay, so maybe you're a foreigner who is not afraid of wildlife but have an immense fear of sounding like a moron in casual conversation.... Go to Cairns, then tell Australians about it. 

BUT FIRST Type "cairns" into translate and click the speech speaker to ensure you say this right to them..."Carens", "Ka-air-ens", "Care-ins" you're ready to approach your nearest Aussie. I once made a whole tiktok about Cairns and was fed to the dogs over many comments "ITS C-AIR-NS YOU MORON"  😧

I digress, the main points of this trip: 

1) See the Great Barrier Reef 

                    2) See the Great Barrier Reef

                    3) See the Great Barrier Reef

Like everyone else binge watching nature docs for hours on Netflix waiting for their soulmate to arrive, I'd seen many depressing documentaries about the GBR.

Flowers was recently released at this time, the vibe was SET. 

I can buy myself flowers.....


*me looking hot on Trinity Beach - thinking of crocs the whole time*

.....tried out the restaurants there!!! All both of them...


then took a hike 

    Sometimes I forget how weird I seem. There was a section of Earl Hill Summit Trail with a small rock face covered in beautiful coloured vegetation that complemented the unique rock shades (not pictured).

 A lady walking by sees me standing there enjoying it and goes "It sure is pretty eh?"....I looked this woman dead in the face and instead of saying something meaningful ...."I love rocks" came out of my mouth and ended in that upward inflection that implies you're about to say more, but there wasn't. She paused briefly... ready to listen and then awkwardly kept it moving when she realised she was no match for my expert conversational was Sydney all over again


                            The hike was worth my painful social interactions...and serves as proof that isolation in the wilderness does not save you from yourself                    .....

Twas Time for the GBR..... 

                                                                          Me: "I dont get sea sick at all!" 

How it started 

How its going

I was grouped onboard with this table of 8 people, all of whom were German...I did not speak a word to them for 45 min and when I opened my mouth they were SHOCKED I wasn't German....maybe it was the cold way I had looked at them in unbothered silence.  It felt like I was suddenly ousted from a club I didn't know I was apart of. Helga broke from the group and I spent 15% of the (eco friendly) boat ride trauma bonding with this lovely German mother who was as sea sick as me, until our medication kicked in.

ANYWAY, the reef was neato and my "phone in a bag" camera sucked. 

its hard to look cool underwater 

Helga swallowed a fuck ton of sea water on our first dive and dipped out the remainder of the excursion. 😵 

The sea life and reef are so incredible! It really leaves you in awe 

BTW, Cairns has a ton of cool nature things to do like ...Daintree Rainforest. WOW. Its the worlds oldest rainforest and its so beautiful!!! The energy that comes from this place is powerfullllll. 

There's a SkyRail (think rainforest public transit) that goes up and around the forest... its a must...first of all...birds eye view...second of all...shit/piss yourself when it slows or stops, lets out the cable slack, and makes you feel like you're falling. hehe. 

Plan to arrive around the end of rainy get this amazing scene at Barron Falls. 


*Sad trombone* - dry season 

The SkyRail makes a stop at Kuranada which was a kewl and easy to walk-about town.  Being an adult child.... I made time to go to the butterfly sanctuary and lil zoo thing to hold a Koala.  

Hey, by the way,...not all koalas are the same. They have the picturesque newby koala baby that was super adorable, fluffy, full of joy in its eyes....and then...."the loaner".  She smokes 10 packs a day, she's been through this since birth, she hates screaming children, and her days in the limelight are long since past.  She is crusty and she will fight you. 

THAT was the one for me, fuck that cute one.....and blessed as I am, I got we are together 

I am you, and you are me. 

Yo when the photographer said "this is a great one", i knew damn well they just say that to everyone because look at it. Lazy eyes and awkward smiles for both of us O_o


Never saw any snakes or cassowary....ah! The big spider thing....

The scene: I'm layin down, just chillin....i look up.


hi but with 7 legs(?)

The scale of this is not coming across. It was so big it was more fascinating than terrifying.

And the Crocs....highly recommend the  CrocWise app. You get user reported sightings and tips on how to remain safe....when I tell you, not one moment of relaxing on the beach came through as you are constantly scouting the waters edge.....still fun tho....


                                                                                                                                                ... cunt.