West Coast - United States of America

 West Coast is the best coast.

California


California holds a special place in my heart somewhere near the left ventricle. It is one of the places on this list that at one time I called home! Much of my professional/personal development would come from experience on the West Coast..*Picture it* basic ass Midwestern gay goes out to find a better life in Cali....groundbreaking, hot off the press * scene*

Yep, this is what Alifornia Girls look like.

....The majority of my SoCal life was spent living in Irvine, Costa Mesa, Newps, San Diego, and Palm Springs. [note this is everywhere except LA]. Living an hour from LA was as close as I ever needed to get. Actual traffic nightmare.  With that in mind, San Diego is very livable because of ample green-space, shit traffic but not LA shit,  and excellent proximity to the water. I digress! You can google everything you would want to know about these places, this is going to be an extremely esoteric locals suggestion list:

Orange County

Orange county is great! Its sleepy, expensive, housewives rule the streets in 6 figure cars, and of course home to all of your best uppity shopping. 

You can't go wrong with any restaurant attached to a beach, rooftop bar, or ocean facing spa. Inland OC has that Disney thing, and though the gay scene is...limited...one shining example of prime gay dive bar stands out, The Tin Lizzy! Limited gay is perfectly okay with LA and SD so close by, its part of the charm that makes "the Tin" a wonderful watering hole. 

Choose your own adventure with OC, there is genuinely something for anyone... Take Laguna Beach for example. 



               Spend the day at the beach and the afternoon having a drink at Rooftop Bar Laguna





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                  Spend the day at the beach and have an evening drink at Splashes


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Or spend the day at the beach and have an anytime drink at The Montage.


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Or skip the beach and just have a fuckin drink. 


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 Geeze.  And that's just ONE of the many coastal SoCal cities. 

I have thousands of these amazing photos around Orange County, yet you really only need to see one....and it's not at a nice bar or the beach. There is a hike in Laguna off the 133 mapped as "The Willow Staging Area" on Google Maps; very early into the hike on your first big up hill you will see the view below to the left... look closely....take it all in as you catch your breath from the hill climb. 





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 This fucking boulder serving tongue out emoji never ceases to put a smile on my face. It's not one of my horrid "Photoshop" situations. 

 
Some basic teenage cavegirl did this.

Also,  this region is Equinox territory so if you need a prime gym to visit and get a good workout in, hit them up! Tell'em Chris sent you, they'll have no idea who I am. LOL Thats alls.

Los Angeles

When you do go to L.A. its to party! WeHo is of course, the gay place to be for most things, but lets look at something special. Find yourself  with some celebs at fun charity events in Beverly Hills.

Babes, Brits, and Burberry



I adore Cheyenne Jackson
            

                                      GloZell!!!


                                              


                                                   Leona Lewis, NBD. (๑′ᴗ‵๑)I Lᵒᵛᵉᵧₒᵤ♥

When you're not bein fancy, then go to Weho! I'm a blazing saddles kind of guy. 

TALKING TIP FOR TOURISTS: All of LA is discussed in the following formula no matter the type of person you're speaking to.... artsy types, hipsters, lesbos, they/them, whatever, everyone does this.....

We came in from [insert SoCal city/ LA region] SD to [prominent LA neighborhood] West Hollywood to party at [insert basic gay bar name] The Abbey and brunch at [ trendy brunch spot] Taste on Melrose, while we're staying in the [expensive hotel] Beverly Hilton penthouse.

You can honestly walk away from a quick conversation with someone having all these pieces of information... SO.. practice your LA speak....where I'm from, where I'm going, where I've been.

I love this dude too much to tell him he is basic. 

                                                                    Anyways


                       
                                      always a party. love them




                               


LA of course has everything. Want to dress up as your favorite whatever and go to a place where everyone else does it, but can't afford Comic-con in San Diego? BOOM. Wondercon LA! 

PRO TIP...DONT GO WITH A PROFESSIONAL MAKE UP ARTIST

< YOU WILL LOOK LIKE SHIT BY COMPARISON>
Irving nailed it as Beast Boy, I loooked like a construction worker trapped in a net.




Seriously.......nobody wanted pictures with me.



Even gender bent Mario gang wasn't having me.

W(h)e had a great time tho. 

I'll note this is not my first costume fail...

"I'll be Brett Michaels" 
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Ha ha, no, you'll be strung out Sarah Connor


Want some culture? Getty Villa. 





Want strange sex with a nearly plastic looking man? 

Get on Grindr. 

Don't have much else to say about LA. Its LA.

San Diego 

You can find a new adventure in San Diego every day! I adore this city and its neat layout. I lived just above its iconic Balboa Park, in the gayborhood Hillcrest.  Hands down some of the best food in SoCal is in San Diego from "Queestown" in Little Italy to "Sallys" down at the Harbor. You could write all day and still have more to say about this city. A must eat is Tacos Libertad, an unassuming taco spot with an incredible speakeasy in the back. I wont ruin the surprise with photos, but you absolutely need to check it out! Go during Pride and you won't be disappointed, there is tons of  literal fuckery to get into. Personally suggest taking any adventure that goes from outdoor party to alleyway blowjob.

I may have an album of just skies 

Spent most of my days off taking walks around Balboa. Check out the botanical garden, its like a massive bird cage amongst SO. MANY. MUSEUMS. Balboa Park was built as a World Fair thing and it does not disappoint. I've got 3 words  for anybody visiting this park....Model. Train. Museum. 
Sure, there is a model train museum in Old Town, but this one is muuuuuch larger, albeit lacks the humor of its competition...if you know, you know.

                 

Stop into any Hillcrest bar and you're sure to make friends....

Typical day in SD

"paint me like one of your dead girls"


The foooood and man scene is amazingggg. 


The Gay Agenda: On Sunday, we brunch. 

Pride here is shenanigans central. LA is nice but #pride in SD is perfection. 






San Diego isn't ALL fun....its games too!


                                      ...You see, I have this favorite tree at the edge of Balboa park....this bish:



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When I would go on dates, I would ask them to get inside (the easy part) and then enjoying the hilarity watching them try to get out.

Oh, woofy Brazilian Rodrigo. 


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and my sweet southern belle Jordan.

 *sips tea* loved putting guys in that tree. miss that the most.


San Francisco 

Ok ok, no trip to California is complete without a stop in the big San Fran. Known for gay kink fisting parties on the streets, big tech, steep roads, a neato prison and one big ass bridge...SF is one hell of a time. 

I could bore you with typical touristy shots of that bridge with the golden gate, so I will. 

San Franciso trea...ah whatever. 



"I'm breaking up with you"
  



                  
Artsy?
                                                           I looked 50 and 15.  


























okay, got that over with. 
The real humor in these attractions is actually the shots you get of people getting pics of these :famous things: This is at the bottom of Lombard street. If you don't know what that looks like, ask one of these people who cared enough to photograph it...I can only assume these people don't know you can google this extremely famous road. ...annd mankind has done some significantly more impressive things but whatever.

"man, this will look great in my blog"




Dj Khale'd you with that bridge tho.

The real gems are random things you can do in the harbor. Like be a child and get on a submarine or look at an old clock....what? they do it in London with Large Benjamin. 





I dig SF. A nice city to just put your camera away and enjoy it …we have all seen streets before Melissa, just stop. 


*takes pic of the ceiling*


Palm Springs 

Gay mecca! Something like 50% of the population is gay, meaning it was never hard to find a good ass time. I love this city....just not from June - Sept when its 100+ degrees (37 C) and you are always leaving home to escape it!

Country Club Living (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و

Palm Springs in 1 Photo


lol you literally just party all the time. ... that's what you do, okayyyyy? Honestly, the entire SD/OC/LA crowd looking for an escape goes right to Palm Springs for the weekend.
There is one street called Arenas that has the best gay bars in the area. Blackbook, Chill, Hunters, you really can't choose wrong. Plus, this city has some prime seedy nude resorts such as All Worlds for the adventure whore or.... the whore adventurer..


Daddies are plentiful in Palm Springs. {love my little PS family}




Palm Springs is all about getting together with your friends, drinking by the pool, and living the good  life. You don't need to plan anything when you visit, you will stumble on many things exploring. Have a niche interest in old Hollywood? There is no better place to be. 

Not a third wheel, this is a wheelbarrow. I'm dumping this load (*`へ´*) 彡3

find a pool, have a drink, repeat.

Catalina Island 

Come on. Honestly, the only true reason to go here is because of Step Brothers. You live this to understand the fuckin Catalina Wine Mixer!!!! 

Catalina is a tiny island across the Pacific from Long Beach. When I say tiny, I mean it! You can take a ferry, like a peasant, or do it the proper way and go by helicopter...duh!!! THE point!!!!! (its actually pretty cheap to go this way). Was a nice day trip to walk around the micro town, take a "safari" trip around the island, enjoy your wine by the water, some good food, and then fly back.

    

        Candid.                                                                                    Best believe I called shotgun.



Yep. little. 


Sippin wine, with boats and Ho's 


Wine mixer, take a helicopter. that is all.