Alhambra

Granada & Alhambra 

Granada is your typical beautiful town in the Spanish countryside. It sprawls across the Sierra Nevada Mountains (seriously.. fuck my drag, right?) and is an absolutely beautiful backdrop to my favorite part of this Spanish expedition- Alhambra...AL...ham...BRUH. 

Bruh

By now I’ve made it clear I love a good castle, so to have a palace/castle/fortress in one, is just like twisting some BDSM sluts nipples; you’re hitting all the right spots and smiling ear to ear...drooling even.. On top of that, much of this place had the vibe of the house from the Blank Space video....so I was giving you arms-out-standing-on-my-horse lewks all day.  

This.

*Cue music*

Nice to meet you, where you been?

I could show you incredible things

Magic, madness, heaven sin

Alhambra is "pretty tricky" to get into, since tickets in the high season sell out like a Beyoncé concert and need purchased in advance. They ONLY allow in 8,000 people a day *eye roll* and if you’re lucky to be one of them, you’re in for one beautiful day.  The palace represents a ton of different empires that occupied Spain throughout history. It originally began with the Arab empire, was changed by the catholic kings and queens, and now stands as a testament to all who ruled before.  The architecture tells the story the best, and with everything in mostly pristine condition, it’s an easy story to read.  

Oh my god, look at that face!

Here is a ton of pics, which will do a lot better at explaining than I can....and also notice the castle cat, which got nearly all my attention while visiting this world heritage site 🤣. Really though, look at this cat just chillin. People were staring at me like I should be interested in this thousand year old castle when this cat is literally hunting fish in the middle of it all. You go castle cat.  

*Id be up in that window cutting up his clothes while my mascara runs*

You look like my next mistake

                       

loves a game, want to play

I can read you like a magazine

So its gonna be forever

Got a long list of ex lovers

               

They'll tell you I'm insane

an actual blank space...

Hi, I'm cute

wait....is that a fish?

Yeah, thats a fish, imma get this bitch

                                   

 

     

Alhambra is freakin awesome. Seriously, look at these pics again. It's a world heritage site for a reason.... did you see the cat? Go for the cat, you won't be disappointed.



and I'll write your name. 

Mijas

Mijas 

"Me-Haas"

This tiny city in Spain is perfect for an afternoon of tapas and wine tasting (lol like every other city I'm going to for the next two weeks). Most of the construction was completed in the last 30 years, making much of what you see a blend of old and new.  They are home to the 2nd largest collection of Pablo Picasso’s ceramics and have a nice collection of Dalis in their contemporary art museum (flock of seagulls). Cost was 10 euro and made for a "i can say i did this" moment.

See-Nick

No matter where you are, you have beautiful views. The mountains as your backdrop and the sea in the distance ahead of the village, this is a true piece of  Spanish heaven. There is an obviously slow pace to life here, with no activity in the town until 11:00/12PM, most of the shops and restaurants opening much later in the afternoon.  I quite liked the pace, it makes it impossible not to relax and enjoy what is around you. I spent much of my  time enjoying tapas and wine....because thats actually all i have plannned for this Eat, Drink, Love adventure. (eye roll)

Beau Tea Full

Original bus parking from the 1800s 

I loved venturing around the city, exploring the old towers, shops, and of course the gastronomer spots.  Ya just feel good here.... A group from my boat signed up for a wine tasting, which turned into 29 older people watching me shoot wine like it was water after a 100meter dash. I was so uncouth in my approach that I chugged a full glass taken from a woman sitting next to me who decided she wasn’t in the wine mood. Her loss.  My reputation as the boats party animal had been established, and in the coming days, people would approach me for advice on where to find bars. Legend. 

Mehass is easy to walk about (when boozy too), cause its tiny as hell but a good stop when your're hanging out in Spain 🙃. It is roughly 45 min from Malaga and a lot less crowded. ....side note...no Uber.... you can hop on a donkey taxi (yep that's a thing) and ride about the city at a pretty leisurely pace. I elected to stay on foot, because donkeys smell horrible and you're led by a person walking the donkey....so you're literally moving at a walking pace anyway. 

Plenty of places to get a good vantage point of the city. IG has plenty of vids of me spinning around on this guard tower like a 7/11 music video.  

                     

Of course, I made a cat friend

Wonderful artworks  and a clear love of flowers, this city takes a lot of pride in staying beautiful. This town would be the perfect setting for a lifetime movie with the motto :"nothing bad could ever happen here"....cue struggling pregnant teen and cheating murderous husband.  

Potheads

They decorated with these pots all over. the city Charming AF.  

No, really. charming as fuck.  

Its little, but its a cute Castillo. 

The last thing I saw before unleashing my inner wino

Mijas is CUTE, I made friends with a cat, spun around some old guard towers and nommed tapas till the sun went down.  Mijas gets a 10/10 in my book!! I will be wandering around this place in my dreams for years to come....haunted by blue pots and red wine. 

Gibraltar

Gibraltar

 Behold, the famous straights™️ of Gibraltar....

LOL, Ok.....The actual Strait of Gibraltar...

Gibraltar is a very unique city in terms of is geographical location. It’s a British territory nestled on the tip of Spain, directly across from Morocco; in convergence of the Mediterranean Sea and Atlantic Ocean.  Of course, it is a very well known port for boats coming through the international waters. I was fuckin pumped to get my Gibraltar on.  

Gibraltar has significant history rooted in war too! Monuments and tunnels carved out through its hilltops, along with an absolutely massive fortifying wall running through the city are tell tale signs of its war significance.  I was infatuated with the construction efforts of the war infrastructure, which now make for excellent tourist attractions.  The easiest way to immerse yourself is to take a cable car up the Rock of Gibraltar and work your way down through tunnels, caves, and roadways until you're back in the city.

Don't be fooled by the rock that she got. 

              

Heights are my biggest fear.... second to spiders. None the less, that tiny cable car/gondola thing is the best way up the mountainside to the top. The view is spectacular and awards you the best view of the coastline. Once at the top, you'll have the opportunity to experience Gibraltar’s other main attraction, the macaques! The little f*ckers are adorable and will steal whatever they’d like from you. You’re tricked by their innocent little faces to believe they are sweet loving animals, when really they are scoping you out as a target and planning ways to play yo ass for what they want #sames.  Seriously, they’re smart as hell. You're warned to turn your backpacks and purse to your front, otherwise they'll jump on your back and steal from your bag....that was AWESOME to see.  You can spend all day sitting back and watching unsuspecting tourists have their food and items nabbed. 

Felt cute, might delete.

      

Suck Macaque you tourist bitch

At the top of upper Gibraltar lies more tourist gems. There are the caves of St Michael and The Great Siege tunnels, both of which allow you to  enjoy the weird tunnels and caverns. ! I haven’t been spelunking in a little while, and was quite pleased with how easily accessed the caves are with paths, steps. and no drops.  The siege tunnels are wartime realness, featuring cannons and memorials all around. They’re pretty neat to run through, provided you’re mindful of other tourists and ignored the obvious dangers LOL  hours were spent wandering around the mountain  listenin to Billie Eilish..bein a bad guy...duh. 

Braggiin a bit.

 

I'm kawaii in the tunnels

In my humble opinon St. Michael's Cave is legit the coolest way to use a cave in modern times. When not being toured by basic people like me, they hold orchestral and military band concerts here. The acoustics are fantastic, and the "venue" can hold up to 600 people. Its a logistical nightmare getting people up the mountain to the caves, but was told it is well worth it. About 4 times a year, you can enjoy a concert here, something I look forward to coming back and experiencing first hand....I love a good orchestra.  The cave itself is massive, lots of winding passage ways, and even an underground lake, which will eventually be open for tours once they get it all sorted out. 

totes kewl

Alfred, bring around Robbin...

Downtown Gibraltar is neat. An interesting mix of buildings, none of which were particularly beautiful or noteworthy. My favorite part was finding that education here is completely funded all the way through college, must be nice!  Every kind of religion is represented and they all live in perfect harmony of each other in this super compact space. Definitely dig the Gibraltar vibe.

Mooirsh or less a 3/10 as far as castles go

There is a Moorish castle to be seen in the hilltops as well! I recommend seeing this one on the trip down the mountain, as its easier to start at the top of the Rock of Gibralter and work your way down, vs climb up, and up, and up, and up, and up. After a long day of facing heights, tunnels, caves and macaques, I was happy to be boarding the ship for some gym time and a big meal. Until next time Gibraltar.